funny pen drives collection - its really amezing

PEN DRIVES....! Will drive you crazy....!

funny computer jokes - It jokes

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself

HEIGHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you By some one in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF BROWSING:
U r swimming in the water tank and shout 'F1 F1 F1 ' instead of shouting 'HELP' when u are unable to swim...

Oracle's Real-Life Q & A ( IT humor )

Some funny quotes/thoughts when we compare oracle with real life....enjoy

Q. What if your Dad loses his car keys?
A. 'Parent keys not found!'

Q. What if your old girl friend spots you with your new one?
A. 'Duplicate value on index!'

Q. What if the golf ball doesn't get into the hole at all?
A. 'Value larger than specified precision!'

Q. What if you try to have fun with somebody else's girlfriend and get kicked out?
A. 'Insufficient privileges on the specified object!'

Q. What if you don't get any response from the girl next door?
A. 'No data found!' or ' Query caused no rows retrieved!'

Q. What if you get response from the girl next door and her Mom too?
A. 'SELECT INTO returns too many rows!'

Q. What if you dial a wrong number?
A. 'Invalid number' or ' Object doesn't exist!'

Q. What if you try to beat your own trumpet?
A. 'Object is found mutating!'

Q. What if you are too late to office and the boss catches you?
A. 'Discrete transaction failed!'

Q. What if you see 'theatre full' when you go to a movie?
A. 'Maximum number of users exceeded!'

Q. What if you don't get table in the lunch room?
A. 'System out of tablespace!'

Its funnnnny.

few more funny images

What is Marketing - very funny quotes

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me! " - That’s Direct Marketing"

2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: " He’s very rich. "Marry him." -That’s Advertising"

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: " Hi, I’m very rich. "Marry me - That’s Telemarketing"

4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I’m rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That’s Public Relations"

5. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! Me?" - That’s Brand Recognition"

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - " That’s Customer Feedback"

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That’s demand and supply gap"

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I’m rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That’s competition eating into your market share"

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I’m rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That’s restriction for entering new markets " 

funny detective stories

A policeman was testing 3 brothers who were training to become
detectives.


To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first brother a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?"


The first brother answers, "That's
easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman
says, "Well...uh... that's because the picture I showed is his side
profile."



Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second brother and asks him, "This is your suspect, how
would
you recognize him?"



The second brother smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,


"What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are
showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?"



Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third brother
and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him?



He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The brother
looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears
contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really


doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an
interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and
I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office,


checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming
smile on his face.



"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"



"That's easy," the third brother replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he
only has one eye and one ear."

kanjoos Makkhi Choos sms messages n jokes

Kanjoos Makkhi Choos ..........!!
Kanjoos: Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Kanjoos: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Kanjoos:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
************ ********* ********* *********
A Kanjoos on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, Im here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Kanjoos:To phir baju wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay
************ ********* ********* *********
1 Kanjoos 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
************ ********* ********* ********
Kanjoos ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Kanjoos ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Kanjoos:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Arbi:Munna!!
Ab hamarey ander bhi Kanjoos ka khoon dor raha hay
************ ********* ********* *******
A Kanjoos called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Kanjoos: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Sohan Bhai Died".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Kanjoos: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Sohan Bhai Died - Suzuki for Sale .
************ ********* ********* ******
Kanjoos ask to Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Kanjoos ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ki biryani lete aana.
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Shadi me 1 Kanjoos bahut der tk khata raha,
Kse ne pocha bhae kb tk khaty rhogy?
Kanjoos: Yaar me khud kha kha k thak gya hun pr kya karoon card me likha tha "Dinner 7 to 10pm
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q le rahe ho
Kanjoos: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
 
************ ********* ********* *******

Titanic K Sath Kanjoos Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost:
Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Kanjoos:
Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda
 
************ ********* ********* ********
 
Kanjus Baap Baccho Se - Jo Raat Ko Khana Nahi Khayga Use 5/Rs Dunga.
Bacche 5/Rs Le Kar So Gaye.
Subah Baap Bola- Jo 5/Rs Dega Usi Ko Nasta Milega

************ ********* ********* ********
Mere Kitne SMS mile?
Bahut saare?
Aur tune kitne bheje? Ek bhi nahi!
Haaak Thu: Ab tak bahut SMS khaye - Ab Goli Kha -
DHISHKYOUN!

************ ********* ********* ********

CONGRATS" U have been awarded an M.B.A degree
For not Smsing me.
MBA means 'Member of Bhikari Association'
Kindly forward it 2 all M.B.A's.

************ ********* ********* ********

funny love poem computer style hindi quotes

Hey hey check out this lovely funny poems(in Hindi) for aashik jo pyar main pagal ho rahe hain but in computer style main.

अभी अभी तो प्यार का PC किया है चालु
अपने दिल के Hard Disk पे और कितनी Files डालु

अपने चेहरे से रूसवाई की Error तो हटाओ
ऐ जानेमन अपने दिल का Password तो बताओ

वो तो हम है जो आप की चाहत दिल मॆं रखते है
वरना आप जैसे कितने Softwares तो बाज़ार में बिकते है

रोज़ रात आप मेरे सपने में आते हो
मेरे प्यार को Mouse बना के उंगलियों पे नचाते हो

तेरे प्यार का Email मेरे दिल को लुभाता है
पर बीच में तेरे बाप का Virus आ जाता है

और करवाओगे हमसे कितना इन्तजार
हमारे दिल की साईट पे कभी Enter तो मारो यार


आपके कई नखरे अपने दिल पे बैंग हो गये
दो PC जुड़ते जुड़ते Hang हो गये

आप जैसो के लिये दिल को Cut किया करते है
वरना बाकी केसेस में तो Copy Paste किया करते हैं

आपक हँसना आप क चलना आप की वो स्टाईल
आपकी अदाओं की हमने Save कर ली है File

जो सदीयों से होता आया है वो रीपीट कर दुंगा
तु ना मिली तो तुझे Ctrl+Alt+Delete कर दुंगा

लड़कीयां सुन्दर हैं और लोनली हैं
प्रोब्लम है कि बस वो Read Only हैं

funny things/quotes/questions can you help me to solve them

Hey look out for these funniest statements/quotes/questions. Can any one clarify me??

1. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought)
2. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking)
3. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
4. Can you cry under water? (let me try)
5. Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (I think they meant something else)
6. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows)
7. Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
8. Can you get cornered in a round room? (by oneseyes)
9. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch)
10. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oilis made from vegetables,then what is baby oil made from? (No comments)
11. What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
12. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )
13. Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
14. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it)
15. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! Able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)
16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
17. Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? (very nice)
18. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
19. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they have parking in Bars?

funny monkey story : monkey controlling a plane

Once a plane crashed somewhere in the mountains, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left alive.

Fortunately the monkey was intelligent enough to understand English and reply. The officials went to see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the monkey.

Officer: “When the plane took off what were the travelers doing?”

Monkey: “Tying their belts”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Saying Hello! Good morning!”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Checking the system”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Looking for my people”


Officer: “After 10 minutes what were the travelers doing?”

Monkey: “Having beverages and snacks”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Serving the travelers”

Officer: “What were the Pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the steering”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Eating & throwing”

Officer: “After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?”

Monkey: “Some were sleeping and some were reading”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses ?”

Monkey: “Make up”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the steering”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Nothing”

Officer: “Just before plane crash what were the travelers doing?”

Monkey: “All were sleeping”

Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”

Monkey: “Kissing the pilots”

Officer: “What were the pilots doing?”

Monkey: “Responding”

Officer: “What were you doing?”

Monkey: “Handling the steering !!!”

funny word game can you answer this

TO ALL MY INTELLIGENT readers on jokes-adda

I could not figure it out and had to look at the answer. See if you can figure out

what these words have in common.
1. Banana
2.. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess
Are you peeking or have you already given up? Give it another try....
Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover
the answer. This is so cool.....


Answer: No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters....










Answer: In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter,
place it at the end of the same word, and then spell the word
backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out? No? Then
send to more people and stump them as well. Then, you'll feel better
too.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009

Hi jokes-adda readers

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009
when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't#9 on this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to....

and when hindi people try to speak english.

Hinglish Ka Jadoo

1. inside class
-close the doors of the windows please....i have winter in my nose today
-Cut an apple into two halves ---take the bigger half
-shhhhh..quiet boys....the principal just passed away in the corridor.
-Both of you three ,get out of my class
-Take a copper wire of any metal ...especially of silver.
-Take a 5cm. wire of any length

2.at the ground
-All of you stand in a straight circle
-there is no wind in the balloon

3.to a boy angrily
-I talk ,he talk,why you middle middle talk?????

4.giving punishment
-you three of you , stand together separately
-you,.... go and understand the tree
-Why are you late??????------say YES or NO.

IT people make bollywood movies name of movies are here

IF "IT" PEOPLE MAKE A BOLLYWOOD FILMS WHAT WILL BE NAME?

1. Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!

2. Meri Disc Tumhare Paas Hai

3. Aao Chat Kare

4. Programmer No.1

5. Mera Naam Developer

6. Java Wale Job Le Jayenge

7. Hum Apke Memory Mein Rehte Hein

8. Do Processor Baarah Terminal

9. Tera Code Chal Gaya

10. Har Din Jo Mail Karega

11. Network Ke Us Paar

12. Debugging Koi Khel Nahi

13. Jish Desh Mein Bill Gates Rehta Hai

14. Raju Ban Gaya MCSE .!

15. Client Ek Numbari Programmer Dus Numbari

16. Login Karo Sajana

17. Naukar PC Ka


TaKe GoOd CaRe.....

Bollywood movie name n computer ki duniya

Take a look at this list to find funny terms in computer and there relationship with our bollywood movies. Names of some bollywood movies are so funny....


1) Pentium III & Pentium I ---- Bade miyan andChhote miyan.

2) Computer infected by Virus - Pyar to Hona hitha.

3) Hard disk and Floppy disk - Gharwaali Baharwaali.

4)F1 - Guide.

5) Esc - Nau Do Gyarah.

6) Ctrl+Alt+Del - AkhriRastaa.

7) CrtlC + CtrlV - Duplicate.

8) Undo - Aa ab lautchale.

9) Super User Password - Gupt.

10) BackUp - Jaagteraho.

11) UPS - Janta Hawaldar

12) Server -Godfather

13) Proxy Server - Padosan

14) Security -Nakabandi.

15) Storage - Tehkhana.

16) Storage capacity -Badhti ka naam Dadhi.

17) Computer without RAM - KoraKagaz.

18) Computer whose OS is DOS - Buddha mil gaya.

19)System which frequently requires bootable disk - Sharabi

21) Mouse - Janwar

22) Hard Disk partition - Batwara.
23) Hardware & Software - Ek duje ke liye.
24) Temporary file - Khote Sikkey.
25) Operator vs Computer - Mein khiladi Tu Anadi.
26) NRI - Phir bhi Dil hai Hindustaani.
27) Indian Programmers - Jawab Hum denge.
28) Contractor - Bakra Kisto pe.
29) Employee on Probation - Paying Guest.
30)Employee who works Sincerely -Dil Se.
31) Employee who is ready to Leave his job - Doli Saja Ke Rakhna.
32) Employee for more than 3 yrs in the company - Amar Prem.
33) Employee who signs a Bond -Band

If the Titanic was made in India

It looks funny when we imagine about some famous hollywood movie is made in India. If the Titanic was made in India ......

1) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship

2) There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a white saree and of course
singing in the rain

3) The movie would be called "Pyar Kiya To Marna Kya"

4) Hero and Heroine would float in cold water for days and still survive,
but the villian would die on the first dip

5) The iceberg would be sent by the heroine's father to teach the hero a
lesson

6) None of the women would float due to heavy designer sarees.

And last but not least


7) Half of the rescue boats would be reserved for .....

gabbar singh ka orkut profile funnay image

Hey, checkout this funny image of sholay ka gabbar singh profile on orkut.

funny n Interesting Notice tht u ever seen

On a Toilet door
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW



In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT





Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS




Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR




Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR




Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.



Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS




On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

thieves catching machine

In U.S. they invented a machine that catches thieves; they took it out
to different countries for a test.

In U.S.A, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves;

In UK , in 30 minutes it
caught 50 thieves;

Spain , in 30 minutes it caught 65 thieves;

Ghana ,
in 30 minutes it caught 600 thieves;

India , in 15 minutes the machine
was stolen.

I thought I told you not to laugh????????
Have a laughing day,
won't you!!

collage vs movies fun

Check out the similarities between collage/school and movies.

Exam == Kalyug,
Classes == Kabhi Kabhi
Examination Hall == Chamber of Secret
Examiner == Mrityudata
Course == GodZilla
Paper Correction == Andha Kanoon
Exam Time == Qayamat se Qayamat Tak
Question Paper == Paheli
Answer Paper == Kora Kagaz
Marks == Ashambhav
Paper Out == Plan
Cheating == Aksar
Last Exam == Independence Day
Result == Sadma
Pass == Ajooba / Chamatkar
Fail == Devdas
Vacations == Masti