shaq what the fu.k - funny story must read

Read this funny story, about wife's ShaQ on झंप्या :)


एका रात्री झंप्याची बायको रात्री उशिरा घरी परत
आली,
बेडरूम मध्ये गेल्यावर तिने पाहिले
कि ब्लांकेट च्या बाहेर २ ऐवजी ४
पाय दिसत आहे..

ती जाम भडकली. तिने तिथे असलेल्या झाडूने बदड
बदड झोडपले
आणि पाणी पिण्यासाठी किचन
मध्ये गेली असता तिथे
झंप्या तिचीच वाट बघत पेपर वाचत
बसला होता..

तो तिला प्रेमाने म्हणाला "तुझे आई
वडील आले आहेत,
तुझी वाट बघून शेवटी ते
आपल्या बेडरूम मध्ये झोपले
" तू
त्यांना भेटलीस का..?
Lolzzz... :p :D

funny facts of life sunny sayings

Checkout these funny facts of life.

 stone is enough to break a glass. 
1sentence is enough to break a heart. 
1sec is enough to fall in love.

But y d hell 1chapter is not enough to pass in exam...???

 

 

A boy's eye is
Faster than Google in searching a
Beautiful girl in crowd...
:
But
...:
A boy's heart is slower than
Governments bus while
Proposing a Girl whom he truly
Loves.

 

My Teacher pointed at me with a Ruler & said: 
“At the End of this Ruler is an Idiot” I still don’t get why I got rusticated. 
I only asked him, “Which End Sir?”

 

Father to son: why don't u just go and study?
Son: what for?
Father: U'll get good marks...
Son: then?
Father: U'll get good job.
......Son: then?
Father: U'll have big house, new car.
Son: so what after that?
Father: after that U'll relax.
Son: so what do u think I m doing right now???

 

 

Announcement in University:

"The students who have parked their cars on the driveway, please move them"

Another announcement after 20 minutes:

"The 200 students who went to move 9 cars please return to their respective classes"

 

 

Ugly Truth:

In Bed,
It's 6AM,
You Close Your Eyes for 5 mins...
...& it's 7:45

But in Office,
It's 9:30am
You Close Your Eyes for 5 mins...
& It's Still 9:31

 

funny doctor jokes sms messages quotes

Hey are you looking for doctors jokes/sms. Stop your search here and checkout funniest doctor jokes on jokes-adda.

Doctor and lawyer jokes

A Doctor and lawyer loved same girl.

lawyer started giving an apple to the girl everyday.

Doctor asked: why??

lawyer : An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

____________________________________________

Doctor Sardar

A man comes into the Emergency Room and yells, "My wife’s going
To have her baby in the cab!" Dr. grabbed his stuff, rushed out to the cab,
Lifted the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly
Dr. Sardar noticed that there were several cabs, and he was in the wrong one.

____________________________________________

A woman visited a Doctor.
Woman: Doctor, I have a problem. I am...

Doctor: I know your problem. You always dream that you have become a horse, right?

Woman: How do you know?!

Doctor: Your pony tail hair style.

____________________________________________

Silly Doctor

Mr. Jones: Doctor, my son is having a problem.

He plugged up his ear and nose with chilies. Now he is screaming.

Doctor: That means he is not eating properly.

____________________________________________

Silly Patient

Doctor: Here is the medicine. Take four spoons daily.

Patient: But I don’t have four spoons in house. Do I have to buy one?

____________________________________________

Husband, Wife and Doctor Joke

Doctor: Your husband needs a proper rest. Here are some sleeping tablets.
Woman: When will he have these?
Doctor: It’s for you, not for him.
___________________________________________

Funny Work Quotes - office workload effects

Are you tired of siting on office chair continuously, and working daily for more than 12 hours. Then you must read this blog post. Which explains real side effects of workload in office and due to which your life some time becomes very funny. Some of funny real incidents are shared. Enjoy them for a while and get back to your work( Load)  .....Lolz.

_____________________________________________________________

 I once left home to go to the market wearing my ID card
 and did not realize till my friend asked me why I was wearing it !!!!

 _____________________________________________________________

 Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the house door with
 keys.

 __________________________________________________________

 Few days back I slept at 12:00 in the night and woke up in the morning
 at 7:00 and suddenly thought that I haven't completed 8 hours and
 laughed at myself when I realized that I am at home.

 __________________________________________________________

 Just after our training completion in Mysore and posting to Pune,
 me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants. .
 And as I finished.. I started walking towards the wash basin with Plates in
 my hand..
 ___________________________________________________________

 Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around.
 I went on to ask, "Why is she not attending the status call?"
 _________________________________________________________

 I don't login to orkut, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc..
 at my personal internet connection at home...
 thinking it will be blocked any way.
 Till I realize - I am at home.
 ____________________________________________________________

 Yeah sometimes it do happens with me also.
 keeping hands in front of tap for waiting
 water to drop by itself is very frequent with me.
 I just forget that we have to turn on and off the tap....
 ____________________________________________________________

 Once after talking to one of my friends
 I ended the conversation saying,
 " Ok bye...in case of any issues will call u back"
 ___________________________________________________________

 Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message
 from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe it’s in the recycle bin

 _______________________________________________________________

 I gave my office mail id and password to access Gmail and
 wondered when they became invalid???

 __________________________________________________________

 Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab....
 pharmacist asked whether I want 250mg or 500mg.....
 I replied 256mb....thank god he didn't notice.
 ____________________________________________________________

 Me getting a thought of doing an Alt+Tab while switching
 from a news channel to the DVD while watching TV.
 _____________________________________________________________

  I, after a forty hour marathon in Bhubaneshwar with Powerbuilder,
 decided to take a break and went to a movie. In the middle of the movie,
 when I wanted to check the time,
 I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the theatre
 screen!

daru dost quotes - Dost Nahi badalte

RESULT AGAR ACHCHA HO:

Maa : Bhagwan ki kripa hai.
Papa : Beta Kiska Hai.
Dost : Chal Daaru Peete hain.

RESULT AGAR BURA HO:

Maa : Aag lage is mobile main.
Papa :Laad pyar ne bigaad diya.
Dost : Chal Daaru Peete hain.

BIRTHDAY PAR:

Maa : Jug jug jiye mera beta.
Papa : Hamesha aage badhe.
Dost : Chal Daaru Peete hain.


LOVE MAIN FAIL HONE PAR:

Maa : Beta Bhool ja usko.
Papa : Mard ban.
Dost : Chal Daaru Peete hain.

Appraisal kam hua:

Maa: chalo agle saal acha hoga

Papa: Koi dusri naukri doondh lo, isse kuch nahi hoga

Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hain !!!!!........

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Duniya badal jati hai par DOST kabhi nahin badalte... :D

Presentation Skills - nice story must read

Women Friends chatting in office

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work

Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

 Moral: Presentation does matter. No matter what the reality is.

IT joke of the day - ONLY GOD understand us

Check out this funny joke , most of people working in IT field will love it.

ONLY GOD understand us.........:))

Swarg ke dwar pe 3 log khade the.

God : Sirf 1 hi andar ja sakta hai....

1st : Main Brahmin hu, sari umar aapki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera hak hai....

2nd : Main Doctor hu, sari umar logo ki seva ki hai. Swarg pe mera haq hai....

3rd : Maine IT MEIN JOB KI HAI.... ......




God : aage kuch mat bol.... Rulaayega kya pagle..? Andar aa ja......... Tera forwarded mails, follow-ups, bench pe 2years, night shifts, PM se panga, CTC se zaada deductions, pick-up drop ka lafda , Ladki na milne ki frustrations, client meetings, delivery dates, week ends mein kaam etc etc…. mere ko senti kar diya yaar…..aja jaldi andar aja…..

BEst quotes of life- Attitude is what life is all about...

1. SOLDIER : SIR WE ARE SURROUNDED FROM ALL SIDES BY ENEMIES ,
MAJOR : EXCELLENT ! WE CAN ATTACK IN ANY DIRECTION.


2. EVERY ONE KNOWS ABOUT ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL WHO INVENTED THE
TELEPHONE, BUT HE NEVER MADE A CALL TO HIS FAMILY. BECAUSE, HIS
WIFE AND DAUGHTER WERE DEAF. THAT'S LIFE " LIVE FOR OTHERS " .



3. THE WORST IN LIFE IS "ATTACHMENT " IT HURTS WHEN YOU LOSE
IT.. THE BEST THING IN LIFE IS " LONELINESS " BECAUSE IT TEACHES
YOU EVERYTHING AND, WHEN YOU LOSE IT, YOU GET EVERYTHING.


4. LIFE IS NOT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO ACT TRUE TO YOUR
FACE ........ IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO REMAIN TRUE BEHIND
YOUR BACK .


5. IF AN EGG IS BROKEN BY AN OUTSIDE FORCE..A LIFE ENDS. IF
AN EGG BREAKS FROM WITHIN...... .LIFE BEGINS. GREAT
THINGS ALWAYS BEGIN FROM WITHIN .


6. WHY WE HAVE SO MANY TEMPLES , IF GOD IS EVERYWHERE ? A
WISE MAN SAID : AIR IS EVERYWHERE , BUT WE STILL NEED A FAN
TO FEEL IT ..


7. A RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T SHINE BY JUST SHAKING HANDS
AT THE BEST OF TIMES. BUT IT BLOSSOMS BY HOLDING FIRMLY
IN CRITICAL SITUATIONS.


8. HEATED GOLD BECOMES ORNAMENTS. BETTED COPPER BECOMES WIRES.
DEPLETED STONE BECOMES STATUE. SO, THE MORE PAIN YOU GET IN
YOUR LIFE THE MORE VALUABLE YOU BECOME.

9. NEVER EXPECT THINGS TO HAPPEN. STRUGGLE AND MAKE THEM HAPPEN.



9. WHEN YOU TRUST SOMEONE TRUST HIM COMPLETELY WITHOUT ANY DOUBT....... ....... AT THE END YOU WOULD GET ONE OF THE TWO : EITHER A LESSON FOR YOUR LIFE OR A VERY GOOD PERSON .

Hum do humare do, jab tak teesra na ho - funny

Teacher: Tum bade hokar kya karoge ?
Student: shaadi..!!!!!!


Teacher: nahi, mera matlab hai kya banoge?.....
Student: dulha.!!!!!!!!!!!

Teacher: oh, i mean bade hokar kya hasil karoge?
Student: dulhan


Teacher: IDIOT mera matlab bade ho kar mummy papa k liye kya karoge?
Student- bahu launga


Teacher: stupid tumhare papa tumse kya chahte hai?
Student: Pota




Teacher: he bhagwan, tumari zindagi ka kya maksad hai?
Student: hum do humare do, jab tak teesra na ho...!!!!!!......

kanjoos shayaris - funny sms messages 4 kanjoos friends

Checkout Some funny kanjoos shayaris. Its really very funny and start sending them to your kanjoos friends(dost.)


Phone ek Mandhir,
Sms uska Bhagwan,
Sms bhejne wala Pujari,
Sms padhne wala Bhakt,
Padhkar sms na karne wala
Mandir ke baahar ka Bhikhari.

************ ********* ********* *********

25 25 25
25 25 25
25 25 25
25 25 25 loot-loo! chwaniya hai,
Mujhe sms karne ke kaam aayengi.
Sharmao mat.

************ ********* ********* *********

Na Hoga Kanjus Tumsa ZamaneMe ,1 umar GuzarGayi Tumko Samjane Me Kabi 1sms hi karde o zalim kanjus, Laga Rehta He paisa Bachane Me

************ ********* ********* *********

Zid apni na chhodi
Aur pyar bhara dil tod diya
Kuchh paiso k liye zaalim
Tumne sms karna chhod diya

************ ********* ********* *********

MANGO ka juice, CHIKU ka juice, ORANGE ka juice, TETI ka juice,

APPLE ka juice, PINEPLE ka juice, PAPITA ka juice,

GRAP ka juice...

Jo MSG na kare vo KANJUS..!

************ ********* ********* *********

Jis tarah 1 machar ko marne se
tum shikari nahin ban jao gey
.
.
.
.




.
Theek usi tarah 2-3 SMS karney se
tum bhikari nahin ban jaoge !!!

************ ********* ********* *********

Ab To Iqrar Karlo Or Na Tadpao Ab To Bata Do Or Na Sharmao Are BolB Do Ki.. Aap Humse Bhi Zyada Kanjus Ho, SMS karne Me

************ ********* ********* *********

Sms B Bade Kamal Ki Cheez Hai 20 Gadho Ko Sms Karo 10 Padte Hai 5 Ko Smjh Me Aata Hai 4 To Kanjus Hote Hai1Murga Kismat Se Fasta He Jo Reply Karta Hai.

************ ********* ********* *********

Aey mere SMS mere dost ke pass jana,
Agar wo so raha ho to shor mat machana,
Jab wo jage to dhire se 'Muskarana',
Phir kehna "KANJUS" SMS karo!

************ ********* ********* *********

1 Glass Pani Lo
us Me Neem K ped Ka Phul Dalo
2Ghante K Liye Rakh Do
Phir Dus Min. Garam Kar K Thanda Karne K Bad Pi Lo
Kanjusi K Keede Mar Jayenge.Fir sms krna

************ ********* ********* *********

Jab Bhi Kanjusi Ka Oscar Ka Nomination Aayega,
Tumhara Naam Bhi Usme Zarur Aayega,
Agar Ye Padkar Bhi Tumne Reply Nahi Kiya,
To Pehla Prize Bhi Tumhe Mil Jaayega

************ ********* ********* *********

Chandi ka ghoda sone ki lagam msg pdnewalo ko mera salam.Tea pepsi pinewalo kbhi pani b piya kro,fokat k msg pdnewalo kbhi msg b kiya kro.

************ ********* ********* *********

Best one - Kanjoos ki zindagi kya jeena, kabhi humari tarah bhi jiya karo,
Roz mere sms padh kar sharam nahi aati, kabhi khud bhi SMS kiya karo.

************ ********* ********* *********
--Ab kuch hindi main--


सुखे हुए तालाब से जल मांग़ रहे हो,
उजडे हुए बाग से फाल मांग रहे हो,
जो शक्श तुम्हे दे नही सकता एक माटी का खिलौना,
उस शक्श से तुम ताज महल मांग रहे हो.

************ ********* ********* *********

What is Marketing - very funny quotes

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me! " - That’s Direct Marketing"

2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: " He’s very rich. "Marry him." -That’s Advertising"

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: " Hi, I’m very rich. "Marry me - That’s Telemarketing"

4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I’m rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That’s Public Relations"

5. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! Me?" - That’s Brand Recognition"

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - " That’s Customer Feedback"

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That’s demand and supply gap"

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I’m rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That’s competition eating into your market share"

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I’m rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That’s restriction for entering new markets " 

kanjoos Makkhi Choos sms messages n jokes

Kanjoos Makkhi Choos ..........!!
Kanjoos: Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Kanjoos: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Kanjoos:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
************ ********* ********* *********
A Kanjoos on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, Im here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Kanjoos:To phir baju wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay
************ ********* ********* *********
1 Kanjoos 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
************ ********* ********* ********
Kanjoos ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Kanjoos ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Kanjoos:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Arbi:Munna!!
Ab hamarey ander bhi Kanjoos ka khoon dor raha hay
************ ********* ********* *******
A Kanjoos called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Kanjoos: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Sohan Bhai Died".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Kanjoos: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Sohan Bhai Died - Suzuki for Sale .
************ ********* ********* ******
Kanjoos ask to Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Kanjoos ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ki biryani lete aana.
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Shadi me 1 Kanjoos bahut der tk khata raha,
Kse ne pocha bhae kb tk khaty rhogy?
Kanjoos: Yaar me khud kha kha k thak gya hun pr kya karoon card me likha tha "Dinner 7 to 10pm
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q le rahe ho
Kanjoos: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
 
************ ********* ********* *******

Titanic K Sath Kanjoos Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost:
Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Kanjoos:
Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda
 
************ ********* ********* ********
 
Kanjus Baap Baccho Se - Jo Raat Ko Khana Nahi Khayga Use 5/Rs Dunga.
Bacche 5/Rs Le Kar So Gaye.
Subah Baap Bola- Jo 5/Rs Dega Usi Ko Nasta Milega

************ ********* ********* ********
Mere Kitne SMS mile?
Bahut saare?
Aur tune kitne bheje? Ek bhi nahi!
Haaak Thu: Ab tak bahut SMS khaye - Ab Goli Kha -
DHISHKYOUN!

************ ********* ********* ********

CONGRATS" U have been awarded an M.B.A degree
For not Smsing me.
MBA means 'Member of Bhikari Association'
Kindly forward it 2 all M.B.A's.

************ ********* ********* ********

funny party quotes in english love marriages n more

Here is a collection of some funny quotes

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow

Marriages are made in heaven
then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

I wrote ur name on the sand ...............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air...........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart..............
I got a HEART ATTACK



LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire...... continues with smoke......and ends in ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers


ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best



Dear Friend,

when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?



I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!


when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ...........pick d phone idiot


Teacher : four beautiful ladies are walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence ..
Student : WOW !


The human brain is a most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time youu are Born.... until you fall in love


SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in your personality
SO....
Brush ur Teeth today onwards


A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..


History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir......


Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age Hitler committed suicide

"Love like it's never going to hurt, work like you don't need the money and dance like noone is watching."

"I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable are everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable."

husband wife jokes n funny quotes sms messages

Heya just checkout these funny husband wife quotes n messages. have fun... 
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

पत्नी: मैं मायके जा रही हूँ! तुम्हे तलाक का नोटिस भेज दूंगी!
पति: जा! जा! मीठी-मीठी बातें करके मुझे खुश करने की कोशिश मत करो!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
शादी के बाद पति पत्नी से!
पति: चलो प्यार करे?
पत्नी: नहीं!
पति: क्यों?
पत्नी: मैंने अपनी माँ से वादा किया है शादी के बाद सारे बुरे काम छोड़ दूंगी!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
 
पत्नी (रसोई से निकलते हुए): सुनिए, आजकल मैं बहुत खुबसूरत होती जा रही हूँ!
पति: तुमने कैसे जाना?
पत्नी: देखो न, आजकल मेरी सुन्दरता देखकर रोटियां भी जलने लगी है!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 
 
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!\

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------                                 

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

()()()( (((( Different creative ways  when husband describe there wifes. ))))))

I see your face, when I am dreaming.

That's why I always, wake up screaming. 

                        ------------------ 

My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe "Go to hell." 

                        ------------------ 

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything that you're not. 

                        ------------------ 

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

But I only slept with you because I was pissed. 

                        ------------------ 

I thought that I could love no other

that is until I met your brother. 

                        ------------------ 

I want to feel your sweet embrace;

But don't take that paper bag off your face. 

                        ------------------ 

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes 

Damn, I'm good at telling lies! 

                        ------------------ 

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet,and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head. 

                        ------------------ 

My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped in to smell this way? 

                        ------------------ 

hey all for fun only...so have fun we dont have tax on laughing at least... 

pati patni jokes in hindi wife husband

check out these funny jokes of pati n patni (miya biwi jokes) in hindi.

पतिः अगर मैं मर जाऊं तो तुम क्या करोगी ?
पत्नीः वही जो मेरे मरने के बाद आप करते।
पतिः मुझे मालूम था कि तुम दुबारा शादी किए बिना नहीं रहोगी।

 

 

 

प्रेमिका , प्रेमी से बोलीः मैं शादी के बाद तुम्हारे सारे दुख बांट लूंगी।
प्रेमीः लेकिन मुझे तो कोई दुख नहीं है।
प्रेमिकाः लेकिन मैं तो शादी के बाद की बात कर रही हूं।

 

 

संता ने बॉस को SMS भेजाः मैं बीमार हूं , ऑफिस नहीं आ सकता।
बॉस : जब मैं बीमार था , मैंने अपनी बीवी को किस किया और ठीक हो गया। तुम भी ट्राई करो।
दो घंटे बाद संता का SMS: अब मैं ठीक हूं। आपकी बीवी बहुत स्वीट है।

 

एक लड़का रास्ते में चलते - चलते गधे के सामने गिर गया।
उसी वक्त वहां से रास्ते में एक लड़की जा रही थी , उसने लड़के को छेड़ते हुए कहा , अपने बड़े भाई का आशीर्वाद ले रहे हो क्या ?
तपाक से लड़के ने जवाब दिया , आपने सही फरमाया भाभी जी।

 

 

पत्नीः अगर किसी दिन मैं भीड़ में गुम हो जाऊं तो आप क्या करेंगे ?
पतिः अखबार में विज्ञापन दूंगा।
पत्नीः अच्छा ! क्या विज्ञापन देंगे ?
पतिः यही कि जहां भी रहो , खुश रहो।

 

पति : मैं अपनी पत्नी से तलाक़ चाहता हूँ . वो मेरे से 6 महीने से बोली नही।
वकील : दोबारा सोच लो , ऐसी पत्नी किस्मत वालों को ही नसीब होती है।

 

बेटाः मां आपने तो कहा था परियों के पंख होते हैं और वे उड़ती हैं ?
मां : हां बेटा , ऐसा होता है।
बेटाः कल पापा अपनी नौकरानी से कह रहे थे कि तुम परी हो , वह कब उड़ेगी ?
मां : बेटा वह कल सुबह ही उड़ जाएगी।

 

 

बीवी , पति सेः सामने के मकान में रहने वाला आदमी मुझे दिनभर घूरता रहा। सोच रही हूं अपनी खिड़की पर परदा लगा लूं।
पतिः तुम दो दिन उसे जी भरकर घूरने दो , तीसरे दिन वह अपनी खिड़की पर परदा लगा लेगा।

 

 

 

संता : मेरे दादा जी ने एक ऐसे पेन का अविष्कार किया था , जिससे जो चित्र बनाओ वह जीवित हो जाता था।
बंता : तब तो तुम्हारे दादा काफी मशहूर रहे होंगे ?
संताः नहीं ट्रायल करते वक्त उन्होंने पहला चित्र शेर का बनाया था !!!

 

पति : चलो तुमसे शादी करके मुझे एक बहुत बड़ा फायदा हुआ।
पत्नी : कौन सा फायदा ?
पति : मुझे मेरे गुनाहों की सजा जीते जी ही मिल गई।

 

 

 

भिखारी : कुछ खाने को दो।
आदमी : टमाटर खाओ।
भिखारी : रोटी दो।
आदमी : टमाटर खाओ।
भिखारी : टमाटर ही दो।
तभी उसकी औरत बोली : अरे ये तुतलाकर बोलते हैं। यह बोल रहे हैं कमाकर खाओ।

 

 

ट्रेन चली , तो बंता एक डिब्बे में चढ़ गया।
टीटी बोला : क्यूं पा जी ! नजर नहीं आता , यह लेडिज डिब्बा है।
बंता : सॉरी जी ! मेरे को लगा आप मर्द हो।

 

 

एक सफल पुरुष वह है जो उससे अधिक कमाता है , जितना कि उसकी बीवी खर्च करती है।
एक सफल औरत वह है जो ऐसा पुरुष पा सके।

 

 

संता ( बंता से ) - वह जो लड़की खड़ी है न उसके कान खराब हैं , उसे ठीक से सुनाई नहीं देता। मैं कुछ कहता हूं वह कुछ जवाब देती है। बंता ( संता से )- वह कैसे ? संता - मैंने कल उससे आई लव यू कहा तो उसने जवाब में कहा - मैंने कल ही नए सैंडल खरीदे हैं।

 

एक बार पति-पत्नी में झगड़ा हो गया। पत्नी ने पति को ताना मारते हुए कहा, ‘ तुम तो मेरी कोई बात सुनते ही नहीं हो। एक कान से सुनते हो , तो दूसरे कान से निकाल देते हो। ‘
पति , ‘ और तुम भी दोनों कानों से सुनकर मुंह से निकालती रहती हो।

 

 

 

संता , एयरहोस्टेस से : आपकी शक्ल मेरी बीवी से बहुत मिलती है। यह सुनकर एयरहोस्टेस ने जोरदार थप्पड़ जड़ दिया।
संता , कमाल है ! अदा भी वही है।

 

 

रियाः मेरे पति महीने के शुरू में पैसे दे देते हैं। बाद में एक फूटी कौड़ी नहीं देते।
श्वेताः अगर बाद में और पैसों की जरूरत पड़ जाए तो तुम क्या करती हो ?
रियाः मैं नाराज होकर धमकी दे देती हूं कि मैं मायके जा रही हूं। यह सुनते ही वह मुझे एक तरफ का किराया दे देते हैं।

 

 

 

संताः यार बंता , पिछले एक हफ्ते से एक लड़की मुझे परेशान कर रही है। मुझे पता नहीं कि उसे मेरा नंबर कैसे मिल गया , मगर जैसे ही मैं किसी को फोन करना चाहता हूं , वह बीच में ही कहती है - प्लीज़ रिचार्ज योर कार्ड।

 

 

 

पत्नी : अगर मैं मर जाऊं तो क्या तुम्हें बहुत दुख होगा ?
पति : हां , दुख तो होगा ही।
पत्नी : क्या तुम कभी कभी मेरी कब्र पर आया करोगे ?
पति : कभी कभी क्यों रोज ही आया करूंगा। कब्रिस्तान मेरे दफ्तर के पास ही तो पड़ता है।

 

 

 

 

बॉस ( चिल्लाते हुए )- मूर्ख हो तुम। तुमने कभी उल्लू देखा है ?
जूनियर ( सिर झुकाकर ) - नहीं सर।
बॉस - नीचे क्या देख रहे हो , मेरी तरफ देखो।

 

संता ( बंता से )- यार , ये बीवियां मायके जाकर भी हमेशा फोन क्यों करती रहती हैं ?
बंता ( संता से )- क्योंकि पति को याद रहे कि मुसीबत टली नहीं है , आने वाली है।

 

 

 

पुलिसः आपको थोड़ी देर में फांसी दी जाएगी आपकी कोई आखरी ख्वाहिश है ?
संताः कृपया मेरा सिर नीचे ओर पैर ऊपर करके फांसी दीजिए।

 

 

 

पत्नीः आप बहुत देर से घर के बाहर खड़े हो , पर अंदर क्यों नहीं आ रहे थे ?
पतिः और तुम इतनी रात तक जाग कर क्या कर रही हो।
पत्नीः मैं पांच घंटे से आपके इंतजार में जाग रही थी।
पतिः और मैं पांच घंटे से इसी इंतजार में बाहर खड़ा था कि तुम सो जाओ तो मैं अंदर आऊं।

 

 

चिंटू : यार तुमने सर्दियों की छुट्टियां कहां बिताईं ?
मिंटू : एक दिन घुड़सवारी में और बाकी दिन अस्पताल में।

 

 

नई - नई शादी हुई थी।
पति पत्नी से कहा , ' मैं तुम्हें इतना प्यार करता हूं कि पहले किसी ने नहीं किया होगा। '
पत्नी बोली , ' लेकिन मुझे तो कोई फर्क नजर नहीं आया। '

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