funny whatsapp status messages

Hey we know what you are looking for :),
who is not crazy about updating daily status and display pic on whatsapp. Even I love to put crazy images as my dp and status as well. So in this post I am trying to share some nice, crazy, super funny whatsapp status messages.

Top 50 Very funny Whatsapp Status:

• Virginity is like a soap bubble, one touch and it is gone.
• Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.
• Always respects your self-respect and be proud.
• Save Water, Drink Beer!!
• Everything is rightly confused.
• Marriage is the main cause for divorce.
• The most important Shareholder in your life is you.
• Rules are made to be break.
• If you can't the thing, Move on: D
• Only brain is works more...if you use it more.
• Do what you Love, does is matter what are you doing?
• Only you can work better.
• Why 90% girls are stupid- By Stupid Girl.
• Brains are wonderful, why don't have everyone.
• Trust me you will dance- Alcohol
• I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
• 80% boys have a girlfriend and rest have a brain..
• 3 mistakes of everyone’s life--Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp
• If you smile when no one is around, you really mean it :)
• Everyone wants to park their vehicles in shade but no one wants to grow trees.
• Is it vodka o’clock yet?
• Keep calm, stay happy.
• I don't get drunk, i get awesome.
• Great power comes with great electricity bills.
• Do you still hate me?? I don't care!!
• Life is onetime offers use it well.
• Life is short smile while you still have teeth.
• Follow your heart but take your brain with you.
• Enjoy your life--there's is plenty of time to be dead.
• If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
• I’m too shy at first but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy shit.
• Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed.
• Stop thinking too much, it’s all right not to know all the answers.
• No one is the reason of your happiness expect you yourself.
• Silent people have the craziest minds.
• Marriage means silent suicide.
• I fell in love at first sight. I should have looked twice.
• All my life a thought air was free...Until I bought a bag of chips.
• People said to follow your dreams so i went back to bed.
• On the internet you can be anything you want, it’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
• 3 AM my cell is ringing...hey there you asleep??  No I’m Skydiving.
• I am a ninja, no, you are not. Did you see me do that? Do what? “Exactly”.
• I like when you smile, but I love it when I’m the reason.
•  The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
• You have the perfect face for radio.
• Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.                                                      
• Well I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.
• You look like a before picture.
• I was pro life before I met you.
• Yeah you're really pretty, pretty stupid.

funny reply when you propose a girl

प्रपोज केल्यानंतर " मुलीकडून साधारणता" कोणती उत्तरे" मिळू शकतात त्याबद्दल काही...!

१. नाहीsssssss

२. शी . किती घाणेरडे विचार आहेत तुझे !

३. मी तर तुला 'तसल्या नजरेने' पाहिलेच नाही ... मी तुला फक्त एक चांगला [ हे अजून वर ] दोस्त मानते ...

४. मी "ऑलरेडी एंगेज" आहे.

५. प्लीज, माझा असल्या "फालतू गोष्टींवर" विश्वास नाही. माझ्यासाठी माझे 'शिक्षण, करियर व कुटुंबिय' महत्त्वाचे आहेत....

६. आपली तर आत्ता कुठे चांगली ओळख झाली आहे, तु तर मला अजून व्यवस्थीत ओळखत पण नाहीस, मला

वाटतं की हे कदाचित "आकर्षण" असावे ...

७. तु किती कमावतोस ? / तुझा बॅलेंस किती आहे?

८. मागच्या वर्षीच तर मी तुला"राखी " बांधली होती !!!!

९. माझी अशा गोष्टींसाठ ी अजून 'मानसीक तयारी' झाली नाही ....

१०. मी माझ्या आईला / दादाला विचारून सांगते ....( बाबांपर्यं त नको ) { नंतर काहीच नाही .....}

११. मुर्ख , एवढी छोटीसी आणि महत्त्वाची गोष्ट सांगायला येवढा उशिर करतात का ?

१२. मला माहित आहे. बोलुन दाखवण्याची गरज नाही ....

१३. सॉरी ....

१४. "आरश्यात तोंड बघ मेल्या ... म्हणे तू मला आवडतेस !!!"

१५. मी तर तुला भावासमान मानते [ पण मी मानत नाही ना !!! ]

१६. होय, मला पण तू आवडतोस , पण तू माझा विश्वासघात करणार नाहिस ना ?

१७. गाढवा, आधिच नाहीस का सांगायचं, आता वेळ निघून गेली [ म्हणजे दुसरे कोणतेतरी चांगले "गाढव"

सापडले ]

१८. तु जर थोडे आधी सांगितले असतेतर मी कदाचित विचार केला असता ....

१९. नालायका , तुझी हिंम्मत कशी झाली मला असे विचारायची ?" [ त्यानंतर कदाचित एक छानशी

कानफाडीत ...]

२०. ती : मला विचार करायला वेळ हवा आहे ... तो : नक्की किती ? [ अजून आशा आहे तर ....]

ती : ७ जन्म [ यानंतर मुलगा बेशुद्ध ...]

२१. नीच माणसा, मी तर एक "विवाहित स्त्री" आहे तरीपण...

२२. सॉरी , माझे तुझ्या मित्रावर /छोट्या भावावर प्रेम आहे ....

२३. हा हा....हा हा हा.... हा हा हा हा ही ही ... ही ही ही ... ही ही ही ही

२४. लग्नाच्या आधी माझा असल्या कुठल्याही फालतू गोष्टीत गुंतण्याचा विचारनाही....

२५. मातीत जा ... मला त्याची पर्वा नाही ....

२६. तु माझ्यासाठी काय करू शकसिल?

२७. मी कितवी आहे? हा हा हा ....

२८. मी तुझ्याबद्द ल "तसला विचार' कधी केलाच नाही ...

२९. माझ्या भावाला भेट, तो तुला व्यवस्थित समजावून सांगेल....

३०. का ??? "स्वाती" नाही म्हणली का?

३१. पण तू तर "सपना च्या" मागे होतास , तिने काय थप्पड वगैरे मारली का ?

३२. किती दिवसांकरता ? सॉरी किती तासांकरता ?

३३. " जे काही बोलायचे आहे ते लवकर बोलुन टाक, माझ्या मुलाची शाळेतून येण्याची वेळ झाली आहे..."

३४. कित्तीssss छान ....

३५. पुढच्या ४ महिन्यांची 'वेटिंग लिस्ट ' पण फुल्ल आहे ...

३६. क्कायsssss !?!?!?!?

३७. आत्ताच्या आत्ता इथून निघून जा नाहितर ....

३८. मला वटतयं कदाचित मी "एंगेज" असेन ...

३९. मझ्याकडे तुझ्यापेक्षा जास्त चांगले "ऑप्शन" आहेत...

४०. मला ह्या गोष्टीबद्द ल काहिएक बोलायची इच्छा नाही. [त्यानंतर ती त्याच्याकड दुर्लक्ष करायला लागते]

४१. माझ्या "बॉयफ्रेंड ला" कळले तर...

new funny sms for time pass

Dr: Do exercise daily for gud health

Boy: sir i play football cricket tennis daily.

Dr: how long do you play?
...
Boy : until d battery in my mobile goes down.

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Husband & Wife - Why

" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. " Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, " Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax ."

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‎4 a boy its easier 2 pick up a 40kg girl...

But 4 d same boy its difficult 2 pick up a 14kg gas cylinder...

Dedication wid interest matters!!!

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SMS for drink and drivers

A serious warning to all my friends.. "Drinking&Driving"is extremely dangerous we know ... but Friday evening while driving, I took my arm out of the window to indicate that I am turning right, someone took my beer.!!!! Rascals!!!.

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sardar rocks again

Teacher:- TAJ MAHAL Kisne Banaya Tha?

Sardar:- Ji, KARIGAR Ne

Teacher:- Mera Matlab Hai Banvaya
...Kisne Tha?
.
.
.
.
.
Sardar:- Ji, THEKEDAAR Ne..

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SMS for flirts

Never ask
for a hug
Jus take it.

Never ask
.........Do U Luv me
Say I Luv u

Never say I
Can't live widout u
Say I live 4 u

U've been trained
now go and flirt

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cigarette smoking facebook status messages very funny

Hey guys r u searching for some nice smoking quotes to put on your facebook, gchat status messages? Checkout some funny cigarette smoking quotes here on jokes adda. I hope you all enjoy them, put your quotes and suggestions in my post comments. I will surely publish them.

Life is like a cigarette. Enjoy it ; otherwise jal to rahi hi hai ____ ;)

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bewafaa sanam sa to cigarette achi hai. . . . . . Dil ko jala ti hai par hoto sai to lagti hai. . . . . :)

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'Mom' says "smoking is Ur enemy" but 'Jesus' and 'Gandhi' says "love Ur enemy" :-P

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I take a toke, that makes em choke. Now watch all my cares go up in smoke.

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Funny facebook status quotes messages

Hey guys r u searching for some nice funky funny quotes to put on your facebook, gchat status messages? Checkout some funny quotes here on jokes adda. I hope you all enjoy them, put your quotes and suggestions in my post comments. I will surely publish them.

Dad joined facebook...
Kid's status update:- "Dad on fb.. WTF!!!! .
Dad commented 'what is WTF'????????????????
Kid replied 'Welcome To Facebook'

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Mom Of da Milenium:

A Girl Tells her Mom:
"I Want Some Fresh Air,Can i Go 4 a Walk ?"
Mom: "Alright, But Ask Ur Fresh Air To Leave U Home By 9 PM" ! :D

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Life is like a cigratte. Enjoy it ; otherwise jal to rahi hi hai ____ ;)

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bewafaa sanam sa to cigarette achi hai. . . . . . Dil ko jala ti hai par hoto sai to lagti hai. . . . . :)

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dont you find it funny that after monday(m) and tuesday(t), the rest of the week says wtf?

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'Mom' says "smoking is Ur enemy" but 'Jesus' and 'Gandhi' says "love Ur enemy" :-P

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I take a toke, that makes em choke. Now watch all my cares go up in smoke.

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Microsoft bought Skype for 8,5 billions!.. what a bunch of idiots! i downloaded it for free!

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Those who like me, raise your hands!!
n those who don't like me, RAISE YOUR STANDARDS!! B-)

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a deadline in a deadline; doesn't matter even if you are dead

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Here is a modern definition of Love:

love is like a bird
u hold tightly it dies
u hold lightly it flies
...u hold it nicely,it shits on ur hands

so forget love

just flirt

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Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts :: Others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.

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Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life... So waste your time and have time of your life:)

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Bf-i can do anythng 4u.
Gf-Will u die 4 me?
Bf- yes..
Gf-Will u delete ur facebook a\c 4 me?
Bf- ja bhen ja ghar ja tere papa pareshan ho rahe honge..:-)

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Microsoft bought Skype for 8,5 billions!.. what a bunch of idiots! i downloaded it for free!

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Some One Asked Me

"Howz Ur Life ?"

I Smiled :) And Answered :

"She Is Fine "

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SILENCE

Is d best Answer

for all questions

SMILE

...Is d best Reaction

in all situations

Unfortunately

BOTH Never Help In

any EXAM, REVIEW & INTERVIEW.....

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Every problem in life has two kinds of solutions.......

bhaag lo (run away)

bhaag lo (participate in it)

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I am proud of ma heart....its broken,hurt,played with....but somehow it still works.......♥

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daru dost quotes - Dost Nahi badalte

RESULT AGAR ACHCHA HO:

Maa : Bhagwan ki kripa hai.
Papa : Beta Kiska Hai.
Dost : Chal Daaru Peete hain.

RESULT AGAR BURA HO:

Maa : Aag lage is mobile main.
Papa :Laad pyar ne bigaad diya.
Dost : Chal Daaru Peete hain.

BIRTHDAY PAR:

Maa : Jug jug jiye mera beta.
Papa : Hamesha aage badhe.
Dost : Chal Daaru Peete hain.


LOVE MAIN FAIL HONE PAR:

Maa : Beta Bhool ja usko.
Papa : Mard ban.
Dost : Chal Daaru Peete hain.

Appraisal kam hua:

Maa: chalo agle saal acha hoga

Papa: Koi dusri naukri doondh lo, isse kuch nahi hoga

Dost: Chal Daaru Peete hain !!!!!........

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Duniya badal jati hai par DOST kabhi nahin badalte... :D

funny one liners saying proverbs

A closed mind is a good thing to lose.

A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood. (Chinese proverb)

A college professor asked his class a question. If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I. One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor your 44.." The Professor said "you're absolutely correct, but tell me how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor I have a brother, he's 22 and he's half nuts."

A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

A compliment is a statement of an agreeable truth; flattery is the statement of an agreeable untruth. (Sir John A. MacDonald)

A computer beat me at chess once. But, it was no match for me at kick boxing.

A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can't do anything but together can decide that nothing can be done.

A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago.

A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals.

Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing".

A crumb from a winner's table is better than a feast from a loser's table!

Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."

A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold," ........ At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, "How come you called God, Harold? The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name."

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked. (Kimberley Broyles)

A dancer goes quick on her beautiful legs; a duck goes quack on her beautiful eggs.

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.

A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

A disbelief in God does not result in a belief in nothing; disbelief in God usually results in a belief in anything.

A dog inside a kennel barks at his fleas. A dog hunting does not notice them.

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show.

Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline. (Harvey Mackay)

A drop of ink may make a million think.

A drunk mans' words are a sober mans' thoughts.

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American. "Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them." The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"

Adversity doesnt build character, it reveals it.

Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and keep away from children.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. (Erica Jong)

A face without freckles is like a sky without stars.

A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in on the experience. (Elbert Hubbard)

A fair face may fade, but a beautiful soul last forever.

A fall will always make a wise man wiser. (ancient Chinese)

A family came home from Church where the sermon was on Adam and Eve. The Mother noticed the boy sitting on the bed feeling his ribs. She asked what he was doing. He said, "I counted these things 3 times now. Ma ! I think I'm having a wife."

A farmer learns more from a bad harvest than a good one.

A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.

A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President."

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked: "What happened to the flea?"

Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. (C.S. Lewis)

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

A five year old boy was sitting down to eat when his mother asked him to pray for his meal. He replied, "Mom we don't have to. We prayed over this last night." His mother had prepared leftovers from the day before.

A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail."

A flea and a fly in a flue were imprisoned so what could they do? Said the flea "let us fly" said the fly" let us flee" so they flew through a flaw in the flue.

A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed by a gas station on a lonely country road. On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him. "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked. "No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds, "It stands for "Unleaded Fuel Only."

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm for the sport. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one complained. "These fairways seem to be getting longer too," wheezed a second. "And somehow, the sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember 'em too," said the third. Hearing just about enough from his buddies, the oldest, and the wisest of the foursome at 87-years-old, piped up and said, "Oh my friends, just be thankful we're still on THIS side of the grass!"

A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette pepper!"

A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you become, and still gently invites you to grow.

A friend is someone that won't begin to talk behind your back when you leave the room.

A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows.

A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have. (Abraham Lincoln)

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.

A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.

A friend to all is a friend to none.

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history.

After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command structure. (Thoreau's First Theory of Adaptation)

After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."

After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.

Side Effects Of Alcohol very funny

Side Effects Of Alcohol - A Warning Message ... Last 1 is ultimate

1. Symptom: When u feel Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring theDrink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward

2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite drink!

4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!

5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and The music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

Funny sleeping Quote & Funny Sayings

checkout Funny sleeping Quote That Will Make You Laugh and Smile

Early to bed and early to

rise makes you sleepy in the afternoon.LOL

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Why did the blonde put make up on her forehead?

To help make up her mind!

I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?

Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

short one liners funny quotes sayings

Enjoy short one liner funny quotes

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.


[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

kanjoos shayaris - funny sms messages 4 kanjoos friends

Checkout Some funny kanjoos shayaris. Its really very funny and start sending them to your kanjoos friends(dost.)


Phone ek Mandhir,
Sms uska Bhagwan,
Sms bhejne wala Pujari,
Sms padhne wala Bhakt,
Padhkar sms na karne wala
Mandir ke baahar ka Bhikhari.

************ ********* ********* *********

25 25 25
25 25 25
25 25 25
25 25 25 loot-loo! chwaniya hai,
Mujhe sms karne ke kaam aayengi.
Sharmao mat.

************ ********* ********* *********

Na Hoga Kanjus Tumsa ZamaneMe ,1 umar GuzarGayi Tumko Samjane Me Kabi 1sms hi karde o zalim kanjus, Laga Rehta He paisa Bachane Me

************ ********* ********* *********

Zid apni na chhodi
Aur pyar bhara dil tod diya
Kuchh paiso k liye zaalim
Tumne sms karna chhod diya

************ ********* ********* *********

MANGO ka juice, CHIKU ka juice, ORANGE ka juice, TETI ka juice,

APPLE ka juice, PINEPLE ka juice, PAPITA ka juice,

GRAP ka juice...

Jo MSG na kare vo KANJUS..!

************ ********* ********* *********

Jis tarah 1 machar ko marne se
tum shikari nahin ban jao gey
.
.
.
.




.
Theek usi tarah 2-3 SMS karney se
tum bhikari nahin ban jaoge !!!

************ ********* ********* *********

Ab To Iqrar Karlo Or Na Tadpao Ab To Bata Do Or Na Sharmao Are BolB Do Ki.. Aap Humse Bhi Zyada Kanjus Ho, SMS karne Me

************ ********* ********* *********

Sms B Bade Kamal Ki Cheez Hai 20 Gadho Ko Sms Karo 10 Padte Hai 5 Ko Smjh Me Aata Hai 4 To Kanjus Hote Hai1Murga Kismat Se Fasta He Jo Reply Karta Hai.

************ ********* ********* *********

Aey mere SMS mere dost ke pass jana,
Agar wo so raha ho to shor mat machana,
Jab wo jage to dhire se 'Muskarana',
Phir kehna "KANJUS" SMS karo!

************ ********* ********* *********

1 Glass Pani Lo
us Me Neem K ped Ka Phul Dalo
2Ghante K Liye Rakh Do
Phir Dus Min. Garam Kar K Thanda Karne K Bad Pi Lo
Kanjusi K Keede Mar Jayenge.Fir sms krna

************ ********* ********* *********

Jab Bhi Kanjusi Ka Oscar Ka Nomination Aayega,
Tumhara Naam Bhi Usme Zarur Aayega,
Agar Ye Padkar Bhi Tumne Reply Nahi Kiya,
To Pehla Prize Bhi Tumhe Mil Jaayega

************ ********* ********* *********

Chandi ka ghoda sone ki lagam msg pdnewalo ko mera salam.Tea pepsi pinewalo kbhi pani b piya kro,fokat k msg pdnewalo kbhi msg b kiya kro.

************ ********* ********* *********

Best one - Kanjoos ki zindagi kya jeena, kabhi humari tarah bhi jiya karo,
Roz mere sms padh kar sharam nahi aati, kabhi khud bhi SMS kiya karo.

************ ********* ********* *********
--Ab kuch hindi main--


सुखे हुए तालाब से जल मांग़ रहे हो,
उजडे हुए बाग से फाल मांग रहे हो,
जो शक्श तुम्हे दे नही सकता एक माटी का खिलौना,
उस शक्श से तुम ताज महल मांग रहे हो.

************ ********* ********* *********

funny drinking quotes daru sms n messages

Hey checkout new collection of funny drinking quotes,sms,n messages.


"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." 

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."  




"The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far, but we will walk carefully." 

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."


"Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink."

"People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hindi main.

"कुछ दोस्त एक जगह बैठे आपस में बतिया रहे थे। एक शराबी लड़खड़ाते हुए वहां आया और बीच में बैठे लड़के की तरफ इशारा करके बोला – ”ऐ, सुन, तेरी मां इस शहर की सबसे सुन्दर औरत है।”
लोगों ने सोचा कि अब झगड़ा होगा पर लड़के ने शराबी की बात को अनसुना कर दिया। शराबी लड़खड़ाता हुआ दूसरी तरफ चला गया।
कुछ देर बाद वह शराबी फिर आया और लड़के से बोला – ”मैं तेरी मां से बहुत प्यार करता हूँ समझा!”
लड़के ने उसकी बात पर कोई ध्यान नहीं दिया । शराबी चला गया।
कुछ देर बाद वह शराबी फिर आया और बोला – ”सुन, तेरी मां भी मुझसे बहुत प्यार करती है।”
आखिरकार लड़का अपनी जगह से उठा, और शराबी के पास आकर बोला – ”पापा, प्लीज, अब घर जाइये। आपने बहुत पी रखी है।”"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
वह गधा जो ठहरा 
एक उपदेशक ने मद्यनिषेध पर भाषण दिया। अन्त में पूछा – ”अच्छा मान लीजिये, मैं एक बालटी पानी और एक बालटी शराब मंगाकर यहां रख दूं और एक गधे को को बुलवाऊं  तो वह किस बालटी में मुंह डालेगा ?”
श्रोता – ”पानी की बालटी में”
उपदेशक – ”आखिर क्यों ?”
श्रोता – ”वह गधा जो ठहरा !”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
मेजर
मेजर – ”इतना ज्यादा क्यों पीते हो ? तुम्हें खबर है कि अगर तुम्हारा रिकार्ड अच्छा रहा होता तो अब तक तुम सूबेदार हो गये होते।”
जवान – ”माफ कीजिये सर, मगर बात यह है कि जब दो घूंट मेरे अन्दर पहुंच जाते हैं तो मैं अपने आपको कर्नल समझने लगता हूं।”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
व्हिस्की का एक पैग
दो दोस्त आपस में बाते कर रहे थे।
पहला – ”यार आजकल मुझे नींद नहीं आती।”
दूसरा – ”अच्छा! फिर तुम इसका क्या उपाय करते हो ?”
पहला – ”आध-आध घण्टे पर व्हिस्की का एक पैग पी लेता हूं।”
दूसरा – ”इससे कुछ फायदा होता है ?”
पहला – ”नहीं, पर जागना सफल तो हो जाता है।”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
स्वर्ग जाएंगे या नरक
एक शराबी (दूसरे शराबी से) – यार, मरने के बाद हम स्वर्ग जाएंगे या नरक ?
दूसरा – तुम्हें जहां अच्छा लगे चले जाना । पीने के बाद मुझसे तो कहीं आया – जाया नहीं जाता।


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
lots more are coming .. keep checking jokes adda.

Wonderfully described definitions - funny quotes

Check out funny quotes below,

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before

SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life

YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth

ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do

COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together

EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes

ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead

DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip

OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river

OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY

MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!

FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature

CRIMINAL:
A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught

BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early

POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later

DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you
by his bills!


Life's Great Enjoy it!!!!!!!!

funny computer jokes - It jokes

HEIGHT OF ISOLATION:
Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with each other.

HEIGHT OF COWARDICE:
Two persons fighting through emails.

HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS:
Receiving no emails for a week.

HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION:
The email server being down.

HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS:
Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'

HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS:
A person sending email to himself

HEIGHT OF EXPECTATION:
Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match

HEIGHT OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwarded back to you By some one in the receiving chain.

HEIGHT OF BROWSING:
U r swimming in the water tank and shout 'F1 F1 F1 ' instead of shouting 'HELP' when u are unable to swim...

Oracle's Real-Life Q & A ( IT humor )

Some funny quotes/thoughts when we compare oracle with real life....enjoy

Q. What if your Dad loses his car keys?
A. 'Parent keys not found!'

Q. What if your old girl friend spots you with your new one?
A. 'Duplicate value on index!'

Q. What if the golf ball doesn't get into the hole at all?
A. 'Value larger than specified precision!'

Q. What if you try to have fun with somebody else's girlfriend and get kicked out?
A. 'Insufficient privileges on the specified object!'

Q. What if you don't get any response from the girl next door?
A. 'No data found!' or ' Query caused no rows retrieved!'

Q. What if you get response from the girl next door and her Mom too?
A. 'SELECT INTO returns too many rows!'

Q. What if you dial a wrong number?
A. 'Invalid number' or ' Object doesn't exist!'

Q. What if you try to beat your own trumpet?
A. 'Object is found mutating!'

Q. What if you are too late to office and the boss catches you?
A. 'Discrete transaction failed!'

Q. What if you see 'theatre full' when you go to a movie?
A. 'Maximum number of users exceeded!'

Q. What if you don't get table in the lunch room?
A. 'System out of tablespace!'

Its funnnnny.

find out answers to this. very funny quotes again.

Hey all just checkout these funny quotes.

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dish washing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a "Broker"?

Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

AND... In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". - (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. - Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap". - (And that would be how???)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost". - (But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down". -(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". -(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". - (And...I'm taking this because???)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". - (As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use". - (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts". - (Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts". - (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

On a Swedish Chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".

(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Funny n naughty Phone Answering Messages n incident

Hey check out these funny phone answering messages...... enjoy

10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling..... and I'll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "hot" message, I'll call sooner.

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

2. Hi. I'm probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slow. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back .10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

Try 2 guess ye kya hai........ 

TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA
TA                                                      TA 
TA                                                      TA 
TA                                                      TA 
TA                         TA                         TA 
TA                                                      TA 
TA                                                      TA 
TA                                                      TA 
TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA TA


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Try Try....
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AnekTA    me     ekTA .............. 

kanjoos Makkhi Choos sms messages n jokes

Kanjoos Makkhi Choos ..........!!
Kanjoos: Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Kanjoos: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Kanjoos:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
************ ********* ********* *********
A Kanjoos on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, Im here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Kanjoos:To phir baju wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay
************ ********* ********* *********
1 Kanjoos 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
************ ********* ********* ********
Kanjoos ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Kanjoos ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Kanjoos:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Arbi:Munna!!
Ab hamarey ander bhi Kanjoos ka khoon dor raha hay
************ ********* ********* *******
A Kanjoos called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Kanjoos: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Sohan Bhai Died".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Kanjoos: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Sohan Bhai Died - Suzuki for Sale .
************ ********* ********* ******
Kanjoos ask to Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Kanjoos ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ki biryani lete aana.
************ ********* ********* ********* *
Shadi me 1 Kanjoos bahut der tk khata raha,
Kse ne pocha bhae kb tk khaty rhogy?
Kanjoos: Yaar me khud kha kha k thak gya hun pr kya karoon card me likha tha "Dinner 7 to 10pm
************ ********* ********* ********* ***
Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q le rahe ho
Kanjoos: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
 
************ ********* ********* *******

Titanic K Sath Kanjoos Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost:
Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Kanjoos:
Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda
 
************ ********* ********* ********
 
Kanjus Baap Baccho Se - Jo Raat Ko Khana Nahi Khayga Use 5/Rs Dunga.
Bacche 5/Rs Le Kar So Gaye.
Subah Baap Bola- Jo 5/Rs Dega Usi Ko Nasta Milega

************ ********* ********* ********
Mere Kitne SMS mile?
Bahut saare?
Aur tune kitne bheje? Ek bhi nahi!
Haaak Thu: Ab tak bahut SMS khaye - Ab Goli Kha -
DHISHKYOUN!

************ ********* ********* ********

CONGRATS" U have been awarded an M.B.A degree
For not Smsing me.
MBA means 'Member of Bhikari Association'
Kindly forward it 2 all M.B.A's.

************ ********* ********* ********

funny marathi question n answers crazy answers to qstns

Check out these marathi funny quotes. HAve fun...